Jewelry Jiddy's Wedding Ring Store Discount Calculator is a VB.NET trinket made as part of the VB.NET class that the Dozerfleet founder took in the spring of 2006 at Lansing Community College.
The calculator was originally a VBA application and QBASIC application, created for an intro-to-programming class. It was rebuilt as a VB.NET item in an attempt by the Dozerfleet founder to learn the new Visual Basic format for Mave Coxon's CITP 150 class in the spring of 2006 at Lansing Community College. While the Jewelry Jiddy's never became truly useful for anything, knowledge of VB.NET gained through it was just sufficient to create the The StretchSkeleton Cheat Accessories Kit that featured in DzMD for a time.
Users are told to imagine that a man is buying wedding rings, so allegedly two rings. He can buy a total of five per sale. But why he'd do that, nobody knows. Each sale only allows him to buy up to five of one model at a time. Sales options are the normal (no discounts,) 25% Off Sale, 40% Off Sale, and 15% Senior Discount. "Normal" assumes a sales tax of 6%. A model is picked from a pull-down menu, and the "Find Sales Total" button is selected. The "Total Amount Due" box will then list how much money is owed.
To insert some humor into this otherwise boring assignment, several models of varying prices were generated. Each one spoofs the costs and naming conventions of wedding rings in some way.
Sorted by normal price after sales tax:
- Steal Deal: $6.10 each - Come on, do you really think we're selling an actual diamond here? Don't be silly! That's just aluminum foil in a plexiglass shell!
- The Rough: $12.91 each - Made from the stuff that the diamond was inside of, rather than the diamond itself. Enjoy your marriage, you piece of scrap heap!
- Canyu Drive Special: $91.31 each - Need a driver's license to purchase. And it'd better not be expired or you're a clown.
- Arwee Thearyet: $94.05 each - No. Now shut up.
- Pink Puma: $98.58 each - Clueless French inspectors not included.
- Flattering Fool: $125.77 each - Priced just high enough that you'll still feel the burn when she turns you down.
- : $201.40 each - Because merely being on fire is for pansies.
- Viderzhen: $128.42 each - It came from Switzerland.
- Fiberglass Chicken: $140.10 each - Because we couldn't think of a more awesome-sounding name.
- Scar of Africa: $233.20 each - No, this has nothing to do with Disney. It's a reference to the scars on the faces of all the illegal laborers that the diamond was acquired through.
- Monkey's Uncle: $340.42 each - Because you probably are one.
- The Checkbouncer: $564.87 each - Because we like bankrupting the snot out of you.
- Worth-Your-Soul: $7,086.30 each - The devil's in the details of its purchase.
To have even more fun with the project, the Dozerfleet founder embedded several cheat codes that would do goofy things if entered in.
- ~: Cancels the sale, and produces a popup announcement of: "Congratulations! You've found a useless cheat!"
- moveobjects on: Cancels the sale, and reminds the user that this cheat is only useful in Sims games.
- TPOT: Cancels the sale, and reiterates a few lines from "I'm a Little Teapot."
- SamuelAdams: Removes all taxes.
- KingGeorge: Puts a tax on your tax.
- MontyPython: Multiplies your tax by about just over a tenth of the wind speed velocity of an African swallow.
- RobinHood: Removes your taxes and cuts your price in half.
- PrinceJohn: Taxes you to death.
- ScroogeMcDuck: Sets your price at what was assumed to be a typical Disneyworld rate for the time for items sold.
- Shamu: Similar to "ScroogeMcDuck," but at perceived Sea World rates.
- Monopoly: Cancels the sale. A pop-up reads: "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200."
- NapoleonDynamite: Sets the sales markdown so low you'd have to be an idiot to not take advantage of it.
- Palpatine: Makes your wedding ring cost more than your house, taxing you "out of this galaxy" and at rates only the Dark Side would charge.
It is because of the presence of these cheat codes that Mave stated at one point: "You'd be better off in game design."
Differences in versionsEdit
The HTML version provided for download is as close a replication as possible to the original VB.NET form. However, it lacks the ability to hide cheat codes from the viewer; and instead it leaves them all exposed. The embedded sample version has less padding between fields and is longer in width, due to Tumblr parsing issues. Whilst devoid of copyright data, the HTML form is ©2006 and 2014 Dozerfleet Labs. The VB.NET version contains copyright data; but it is outdated and still bears the original Cormorant copyright information in the program compilation headings. This is because the Collection didn't get its current name of Dozerfleet until May of 2006, and the program was compiled in January of that year.
These details aside, the Jewelry Jiddy's form operates essentially the same way on all platforms for which it is made available. The HTML forms should be available on every modern web browser regardless of operating system. The VB.NET version, however, was intended for use on systems running Windows XP Service Pack 3 or a later version of Windows (such as 7.) The web form also lacks the Gerosha Prime Ming-Cho that was put in the VB.NET version as an Easter egg.
Jewelry Jiddy's Wedding Ring Store Discount Calculator